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Language is a powerful thing. Although you may not know it, the words you use are show others how you see the world.

In fact, some experts believe that we not only use language to talk about how we see our world, but also that language actually helps us make the world we live in.

So with such a powerful tool on the tips of our tongues you can both shape the way others view the world by carefully choosing how and what you say.

So how can we do this?

You can use language to hypnotize people you talk to. What I mean is that
you can actually speak to the subconscious mind when you use the correct words and speak in the right tones. By doing this you have a huge ability to help people see things your way and even change how they see the world around them.

In other words you can change the way people behave by saying the right things in the right way.

So what are the “right things” to say?

Reaching the subconscious mind is not as hard as you may think. One of the best hypnotists ever, Milton Erickson, developed a model for what I will call conversational hypnosis that has three basic steps. This is called the Milton Model. The three stages of the Milton Model are:

Look for clues that tell you how the person sees the world, or a specific problem you are working on. Pay attention to the language the person uses. How does he describe what he is feeling, seeing, hearing, etc. Once you see the patterns then you can use the person’s experiences to gently draw their attention away from the outside world and into their own inner experience.

One way to do this is to ask questions like “What was that like for you?” or “How do you feel about that…?”

It’s about focusing them inward so they can really understand how the way they see the world makes them feel.

The second part of the Milton Model is to distract the conscious mind. Milton did this by using very complex and ambiguous language.

He would use words that sounded the same, but had different meanings, like “wander/wonder,” “sale/sail,” “hear/here,” “right/write,” You get the picture.

He would also use “double binds” that left the mind only a desired set of options. For instance, he would say something like, “I don’t know if you will fall into a trance now, or in five minutes.”

This kind of language gives the mind no choice but to fall into a trance, and it uses an embedded command to do so now, or in 5 minutes.

When words are used in the wrong way on purpose in a sentence, they confuse and distract the conscious mind. When this happens the conscious mind turns inward, basically asking the subconscious mind for help… which is exactly what we want!

These are only a couple of the many Milton Model methods for distracting the mind. I don’t know if you will want to learn more about the Milton Model now, or later…

Once the mind has been distracted, the final step in the Milton Model is to access the subconscious mind’s resources.

You can do this in a couple of ways. The most basic is by embedding commands in questions or sentences, so that they are not too obvious to the conscious mind, but are very obvious to the subconscious mind.

Some examples are things like:

“I don’t know if you will do the dishes now…”
“You can do this, can’t you?”
“You will do that, haven’t you?” (Yes, this is intentional… it makes no sense to your conscious mind, but it does make sense to your subconscious)

So you may be asking yourself, “self… if I just say confusing things to people, or things that have embedded commands in them, then I can get people to do whatever I want them to?!”

The answer is… maybe…

One thing to remember about conversational hypnosis, and hypnosis in general, is that people cannot be “made” to do things that violate their values or genuine beliefs.

You can definitely speak to someone’s subconscious mind using the Milton Model techniques, but it takes a lot more than a quick conversation to change someone’s values.

But, as you practice the Milton Model you will find that you will get better at influencing the people around you as long as you aren’t trying to manipulate them.

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You may not realize it, but you probably negotiate something almost every day.

Most of the time you are negotiating small stuff, like where to go to dinner with friends, or who’s turn it is to do the dishes.

But sometimes negotiations are much bigger. Like if buy a house or a car. Maybe you have to negotiate with suppliers or customers at work.

Using conversational hypnosis techniques can help you no matter what type of negotiating you do.

Let’s look at an example.

Wife: “Honey, its your turn to do the dishes.”

Husband: “No it’s not. I did them last night.”

Wife: ”Last night doesn’t count! We brought Chinese food in and used paper plates. You only washed 2 forks and 2 spoons.”

Husband: “Are you kidding me? We had a deal that we would take turns. It doesn’t matter how many dishes there are. It’s not my fault you wanted Chinese last night.”

Wife: “Chinese was your idea! Tonight I cooked and we have a kitchen full of dishes. I’m not doing them. It’s your turn!”

And so it goes…

What do you think will happen here? Maybe the husband does the dishes, or maybe he doesn’t. Either way, this kind of negotiation has a winner, and a loser. Somebody’s not going to be happy. In this example she is trying to force him to do them.

So what could the wife do different to get her husband to do the dishes? First, she could use some basic conversational hypnosis methods to get him to agree to do the dishes.

Here’s how it works

Before I tell you specifics you need to understand something very important about conversational hypnosis. When you use what I am about to show you, you are actually speaking to the subconscious mind.

Why is that important? Well, because the subconscious mind is the keeper of most of our knowledge. You and I are only aware of a very little of what we know. That’s because usually the subconscious mind let’s only the most important or urgent knowledge surface in our conscious mind.

Also, the subconscious mind is the real guardian of our values and ethics. You may think you know what you stand for… but sometimes you may be surprised. In fact, if most of us wrote down what was most important to us on a piece of paper, then had someone video us for a month, then compared what we did with what we said we believe in… well, most of us would be surprised…

So when you use hypnosis of any kind, you are getting past the conscious beliefs and speaking to the subconscious mind. By doing this you can really influence other people to do a lot of things, as long as those things don’t violate that person’s real values.

One of the reasons why conversational hypnosis is so good to use in negotiations is that most negotiations are not about people’s values, but are usually about benefits of some kind.

You usually wouldn’t negotiate your beliefs… you may argue or discuss them, but if you are willing to trade them for something material than you may not really believe what you think you believe.

So the husband in this example probably is not morally opposed to doing the dishes. He probably just doesn’t want to do them.

The wife can convince him to do the dishes, or maybe even make him want to do them, by using conversational hypnosis.

So how can she get him to want to do the dishes?

The first thing the wife can do is pick the right time and place to ask about the dishes. The middle of the superbowl is probably not the right time. Wait until he is not busy, relaxed and in a good mood.

The second thing the wife can do is make sure that she is in “rapport” with her husband. Rapport means that the wife and husband are happy to be around each other at the time, and that he is not suspicious of her motives. So if she tries to “butter him up” and it does not make sense to him, for whatever reason, they will not be in rapport with each other. Part of this is timing, the other part is that it has to be normal for the relationship.

When the wife knows she is in rapport with the husband, she can choose words that help the husband want to do the dishes. This can seem complicated, but when you do it, it’s actually very easy.

Rather than tell you all about the different types of words to use, Ill show you in the example.

Wife: “Hi honey. Did you enjoy dinner?”

Husband: “Yes it was great. I love your lasagna. Thanks for working so hard in the kitchen tonight.”

Wife: ”That’s ok. I had a break last night with the Chinese. I’m glad you had that idea. It made dinner a lot easier, and there were not many dishes.”

Husband: “It was good. I only had some forks and knives to wash. And I didn’t have to cook.”

Wife: “I know. It was nice to be able to relax after dinner. There are a ton of dishes to do tonight. Are you going to do them, now, or later?”

Husband: “I haven’t thought about it. I guess last night didn’t count. I’ll do them before bed.”

Wife: “Thanks honey. If you want we can do them together.”

So what was different this time?

For one thing, the wife “eased” into the negotiation and built some rapport with her husband. He even told her how much he appreciated her hard work in the kitchen.

She kept building rapport during the conversation by thanking him for the Chinese. She also slowly set the frame by subtly pointing out how easy the dishes were when they had Chinese.

When she asked her husband about doing the dishes she used what is called a “double bind” and an “embedded command.”

A double bind is when the question only gives the person choices that end in the same result. So she gave him the choices of either doing the dishes now, or doing them later. She did not give him the choice of not doing the dishes.

An embedded command is when a command is “hidden” in a sentence or question. When she asked her husband about the dishes, she told him to “do them” in the question.

And finally, she continued to build rapport when she offered to do the dishes together. That’s not only good for tonight, but the next time she negotiates with her husband, his subconscious will remember it!

You may think “that would never happen!” But you will be surprised what happens when you learn more about conversational hypnosis and start using it in your daily negotiations.

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What are the right kinds of words?

One way to really change the way someone feels about something is to use words that make the person see the thing in a different way. I call this reframing.

The classic example of reframing is the glass is not half empty, it’s half full. In this reframe you are trying to get the person to see the positive side of things, and not focus on the negative side.

You can use reframing for more complex things by changing some very simple words in a sentence. For example, think about the difference between these three sentences:

It’s beautiful outside today, but it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.

It’s beautiful outside today, and it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.

It’s beautiful outside today, even though it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.

Each of these sentences describes the same thing, but by changing just one or two words you change the way you think about each day. Read these three again and think about how each makes you feel about the weather today, and tomorrow. Notice the difference?

There are a lot of different ways to reframe things.

You can use words that make the frame bigger, so the person you are talking to can see the big picture.

Like, when a person is at a store and is worried about buying a pair of shoes because she knows that a store across town has the same pair for a few dollars less, you may say something like, Wow, I know that the other store has the same pair for a couple dollars less, but that’s an hour away. How much gas do you think you would use up driving over there?

You can also reframe the context of a situation.

Friend: Man! I really wanted to go to the beach today but its so windy outside… it wouldn’t be any fun.

You: Ya, it wouldn’t be much fun sitting on the beach in the wind, but look at the wave! It would be a great day for surfing!

Another type of reframe is the content reframe.

Friend: Can you believe that guy! He just passed us doing a hundred miles an hour! What a jerk!

You: He was going pretty fast. He had his emergency lights on, maybe he is going to the hospital.

So you can see how changing the language you use can actually change someone’s attitude about things.

Reframing is very powerful because it is a type of conversational hypnosis.

When you reframe things you actually distract the person’s conscious mind and force him to think deeper and listen to his subconscious mind.

The person does not go into a deep trance like you would expect in a hypnotist’s office, but he does look inward to the subconscious to think differently about things.

Learn more about conversational hypnosis and reframing, and try it out.

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Have you ever met somebody who seemed to be able to convince anybody to do anything, just by talking to them. You know, like the salesman who can sell snowballs to Eskimos?

Ever wonder how some people can do it, and others can’t?

Well, one way that you can really influence other people by talking to them is by using conversational hypnosis.

What is conversational hypnosis?

When I say conversational hypnosis I am not talking about putting people into deep trances like a certified hypnotist would do in his office.

What I mean is using language that distracts or gets past the person’s conscious mind so you can speak to or make suggestions to the person’s subconscious mind. When you speak to the subconscious, you are using conversational hypnosis.

One of the best at doing this is a guy called Robert Dilts. He calls this kind of language sleight of mouth. He says that language is really a map of our world, and that no two people live in the same world. (Deep, huh?)

What he means is that every person sees the world in a different way, and they use language to both talk about their world (describe it), and to actually create their world.

So basically, what Dilts is saying is that when you talk about something in a certain way, you actually begin to think about that thing in that way. For example, if you are always saying things like, I hate school then you will hate school. You are actually making yourself hate school by saying you hate school.

So what does this have to do with conversational hypnosis?

Just like you can make yourself hate school, you can also make other people hate school by constantly talking to them about how much you hate school.

Have you ever heard the phrase attitudes are contagious. Well, they are. And one reason they are is because the words people use both make and reflect their attitudes.

So if you hang around a group of friends who are constantly talking about how terrible and a waste of time school is… you will all start to believe the that school is terrible and a waste of time… and you will create that reality for yourself.

This is because words are powerful! One of the reasons words are so powerful is that the subconscious mind soaks them up like a sponge.

You may not realize it, but your subconscious mind is always aware of what is going on around you, as well as inside you. Most of your thinking actually happens in the subconscious, and the subconscious can be influenced by what you say, and by what other people say to you.

So if you use the right kinds of words you can really change the way you, and others, see the world. And what are the right kinds of words? Ahhhhhh, that’s a good question. But you’ll have to wait until part 2 of this article, or visit my blog.

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The Meta Model

Have you ever found yourself dazed and confused by too much information? You know, like when you were in Math class at school, and the teacher kept throwing numbers and theories at you as if she were shooting them at you with a machine gun?

If you have experienced anything like this you may have been hypnotized by too much detail.

This is the way the Meta Model works…

Meta is based on detail, precision, and specifics that often challenge our over-generalized or distorted thoughts to make them more detailed and precise.

This is the opposite of the Milton Model, which uses those general or distorted thought patterns to move you away from detail and precision.

As an example, imagine a co-worker comes into your office complaining about the boss. You may use Meta Model conversation like the following:

Co-worker: “You know, our boss is a jerk!”

You: “How is he a jerk?”

Co-worker: “He always criticizes everything! Nothing is ever good enough!”

You: “Really? So you think he is never satisfied? Why do you think that?”

Co-worker: “Well… I guess sometimes he is satisfied… but…”

In the example above you are challenging the co-workers generalization that the boss is a jerk, and the distortion that the boss “always” criticizes “everything.”

It is most likely that the co-worker really believes that the generalization and the distortion are true because he is working from his conscious thinking. But “deep down” in his subconscious he realizes they are not true and that he is simply reacting to an event.

Ultimately, the co-worker has to give up his conscious desire to over-generalize and succumb to the logic of his subconscious.

Understanding the speech patterns used in the Milton Model and the Meta Model give you massive power to influence those around you.

While it may not seem like you are hypnotizing people with your words because they are not closing their eyes, breathing deeply, or clucking like chickens, you really are hypnotizing them by accessing their subconscious as you distract their conscious minds.

It works. Practice it!

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Technically, conversational hypnosis is simply any induction that is done using voice instead of objects. But I’m not going to talk about trance induction “scripts.”

Instead, I am going talk about how you can use your words to influence people on a subconscious level.

So let’s begin with a brief overview of two different methods of conversational hypnosis that can be used in daily conversations.

The Milton Model (ak.a. Ericksonian Hypnosis)

Milton Erickson was a great hypnotherapist who changed pioneered a method of trance induction that worked with the clients, not on them. In other words, he paid a lot of attention to the way people spoke, learned about their values, then tailored his speech in a way that was most effective on them.

His model was one that focused on general speech patterns that moved from the high level concepts to the deeper meanings of those concepts.

This can be confusing, so let me give you an example of Milton Model speech patterns used in conversational hypnosis:

Subject: “You know, it is impossible to meet these objectives in such a short period of time!”

Therapist: “I know. These objectives are tough. But if you were [emphasize] going to meet them in this short period of time, how would you do it?”

This conversation may seem contradictory. And it is! And that is the point! The intent of the therapist question is actually to distract the conscious mind which says “I can’t!” and begin to look inward for the solution.

And this works! In fact, the conversation above was one I had with one of my employees from when I worked for Rolls-Royce in the UK.

It was amazing how after saying he could not meet the objectives he was able to come up with several possible solutions… but only after he got beyond his conscious mind and started listening to his more creative subconscious mind.

And the suggestions came within seconds. In fact, this person came to me a couple of days later, after he had started working some of his ideas to meet the objectives, and told me I “tricked him.”

And I guess I did… I tricked him into getting away from the conscious mind and listening to his subconscious.

The Milton Model uses many different types of speech patterns that access the subconscious mind.

Some more examples are:

Conversational postulates: These are patterns that appear to be simple questions on the surface, but are actually hidden commands. (The underlined parts of the examples are the command)

“Do you know how to go into trance?”
“Can you tell me how you can do it?”
“Do you know how to do the laundry?”

Embedded commands: These are commands that are embedded in sentences. (The underlined parts of the examples are the command)

“I don’t know if you will mow the lawn now…”
“I know these objectives are tough, but I know you will achieve them.”

Tag questions: These are questions you add to the end of statements that encourage agreement. These are very powerful as they move the subconscious towards agreement and action.

“You can do that, can’t you?”
“You really want to succeed, don’t you?”
“You don’t want the yard to be messy, do you?”

These are only the most basic methods used in the Milton Model. If you are interested in learning more, you may pick up a book on NLP. (Did you notice the embedded command?)

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Hi,

Have you ever met somebody who seemed to be able to convince anybody to do anything, just by talking to them. You know, like the salesman who can “sell ice to Eskimos?”

Ever wonder how some people can do it, and others can’t?

Well, one way that you can really influence other people by talking to them is by using conversational hypnosis.

What is conversational hypnosis?

When I say conversational hypnosis I am not talking about putting people into deep trances like a certified hypnotist would do in his office.

What I mean is using language that distracts or gets past the person’s conscious mind so you can speak to or make suggestions to the person’s subconscious mind. When you speak to the subconscious, you are using conversational hypnosis.

One of the best at doing this is a guy named Robert Dilts. He calls this kind of language “sleight of mouth.” He says that language is really a “map” of our “world,” and that no two people live in the same world. (Deep, huh?)

What he means is that every person sees the world in a different way, and they use language to both talk about their world (describe it), and to actually create their world.

So basically, what Dilts is saying is that when you talk about something in a certain way, you actually begin to think about that thing in that way. For example, if you are always saying things like, “I hate school” then you will hate school. You are actually making yourself hate school by saying you hate school.

So what does this have to do with conversational hypnosis?

Just like you can make yourself hate school, you can also make other people hate school by constantly talking to them about how much you hate school.

Have you ever heard the phrase “attitudes are contagious.” Well, they are. And one reason they are is because the words people use both reflect, but also influence their attitudes. But the mind blowing thing is that these words also influence the attitudes of your friends.

So if you hang around a group of friends who are constantly talking about how terrible and a waste of time school is… you will all start to believe the that school is terrible and a waste of time. You heard that right! The words you use will create that reality for you.

This is because words are powerful! One of the reasons words are so powerful is that the subconscious mind soaks them up like a sponge.

You may not realize it, but your subconscious mind is always aware of what is going on around you, as well as inside you. Most of your thinking actually happens in the subconscious, and the subconscious can be influenced by what you say, and by what others say. So if you use the right kinds of words you can really change the way you, and others, see the world.

Next, we’ll talk about what are the right kinds of words… and that’s when it really gets interesting.

All for now,
Rob

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One way to really change the way someone feels about something is to use words that make the person see the thing in a different way. I call this “reframing.”

The classic example of reframing is “the glass is not half empty, it’s half full.” In this reframe you are trying to get the person to see the positive side of things, and not focus on the negative side.

You can use reframing for more complex things by changing some very simple words in a sentence. For example, think about the difference between these three sentences:

“It’s beautiful outside today, but it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.”

“It’s beautiful outside today, and it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.”

“It’s beautiful outside today, even though it’s going to be cloudy tomorrow.”

Each of these sentences describes the same thing, but by changing just one or two words you change the way you think about each day. Read these three again and think about how each makes you feel about the weather today, and tomorrow. Notice the difference?

There are a lot of different ways to reframe things.

You can use words that make the “frame” bigger, so the person you are talking to can see “the big picture.”

Like, when a person is at a store and is worried about buying a pair of shoes because she knows that a store across town has the same pair for a few dollars less, you may say something like, “Wow, I know that the other store has the same pair for a couple dollars less, but that’s an hour away. How much gas do you think you would use up driving over there?”

You can also reframe the context of a situation.

Friend: “Man! I really wanted to go to the beach today but its so windy outside… it wouldn’t be any fun.”

You: “Ya, it wouldn’t be much fun sitting on the beach in the wind, but look at the wave! It would be a great day for surfing!”

Another type of reframe is the content reframe.

Friend: “Can you believe that guy! He just passed us doing a hundred miles an hour! What a jerk!”

You: “He was going pretty fast. He had his emergency lights on, maybe he is going to the hospital.”

So you can see how changing the language you use can actually change someone’s attitude about things.

Reframing is very powerful because it is a type of conversational hypnosis.

When you reframe things you actually distract the person’s conscious mind and force him to think deeper and listen to his subconscious mind.

The person does not go into a deep trance like you would expect in a hypnotist’s office, but he does look inward to the subconscious to think differently about things.

Learn more about conversational hypnosis and reframing, and try it out.

Ok,that’s all for now. See you soon,
Rob

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